king of the crazy meds

    "This is your life... but you need to take Zyprexa" he says. "This is your choice.... but you need to take Zyprexa." he repeats. "You can choose...but you need to take Zyprexa."  he assures. I need to find a new pdoc (pill doctor/psychiatrist).  I have no choice, not in his mind... what the hell … Continue reading king of the crazy meds


And then days like today happen.  When trying to hold onto reality like trying to hold water in your hands.  No matter how careful you are, it still seems to disappear... My life has been a series realities.  Some real, and some that were just real enough to help me survive.  I was always acting … Continue reading reality

pandora’s box

I can barely type right now.  My entire body is literally shaking.  I have a love/hate relationship with Dr. C and it is because of sessions like I had today.  I know that they can't all be light and fun conversations.. but I really do love those days.  I know that today was all me... I guess in a … Continue reading pandora’s box

my crazy & my art

I'll be honest.  I really miss my crazy right now.  I know, that sounds completely insane.  (Although technically I am, so...) And as nice as this sounds, if I stay on my meds this time, there is a chance I will not swing down and I will avoid the crash that always follows my manic … Continue reading my crazy & my art


I conceded for Dr. M yesterday and took zyprexa last night to help me come down out of the manic episode I have been in the past couple weeks. And I hate it.  I feel flat, emotionless. The world seems grey and dull.  It feels like I went from high to low.  Skipped 'normal' completely. … Continue reading normal