And then days like today happen.  When trying to hold onto reality like trying to hold water in your hands.  No matter how careful you are, it still seems to disappear…

My life has been a series realities.  Some real, and some that were just real enough to help me survive.  I was always acting when I was younger.  Pretending to be someone- whoever I needed to be at any particular moment, to any particular person.  There were so many roles to play.   A submissive child.  The grown up lover.  A defiant girl.  A happy friend. The carefree teenager.  A protective sister.  The perfect student. A loving daughter.  Sometimes fiercely independent, and other times severely dependent.

Always playing a role. I still play so many different versions of me.  Some days I wake up and I am not sure who to be that day. Who is the real me? I don’t think I ever show her to anyone. People on the outside see what they want to see. But I see her on the inside and I don’t like  her.

One thought on “reality

  1. Nice words dear.
    Reality is usually harsh to know, harsh to be confronted by. One can still enjoy it back after is has gone if the kindness in dealing with the nice guys on the out side is maintained.

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