whiplash

I am switching back and forth between moods so fast right now, I am giving myself whiplash.  One minute up and feeling up, and the next minute ready to give up.

One minute I am walking around and the world couldn’t be more right and beautiful. And the next minute I am sitting in my closet, lights out, door closed, with my noise-isolating headphones on trying to block out the world and shut off all my senses.

One minute not caring if the choices I make would ruin my life.  And the next, wondering how could I be so careless and stupid.

One email telling Dr.C to f*** off and leave me alone. And in the next, telling him how much I appreciate all he does for me and how right he is about everything. Yes, it is unbelievable how much I put him through… and the fact that he is still around and will still smile the next time I go into see him, is unfathomable to my mind.  I don’t understand how he tolerates me…  I know I must push him beyond his limits some days.

On or off. Good or bad. Blissful or destroyed. Life of the party or isolated.

Go away, come back…

Saying I feel unstable right now is the understatement of the year.  Which is really frustrating since I am trying to be good and stay on my meds.

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