I am switching back and forth between moods so fast right now, I am giving myself whiplash. One minute up and feeling up, and the next minute ready to give up.
One minute I am walking around and the world couldn’t be more right and beautiful. And the next minute I am sitting in my closet, lights out, door closed, with my noise-isolating headphones on trying to block out the world and shut off all my senses.
One minute not caring if the choices I make would ruin my life. And the next, wondering how could I be so careless and stupid.
One email telling Dr.C to f*** off and leave me alone. And in the next, telling him how much I appreciate all he does for me and how right he is about everything. Yes, it is unbelievable how much I put him through… and the fact that he is still around and will still smile the next time I go into see him, is unfathomable to my mind. I don’t understand how he tolerates me… I know I must push him beyond his limits some days.
On or off. Good or bad. Blissful or destroyed. Life of the party or isolated.
Go away, come back…
Saying I feel unstable right now is the understatement of the year. Which is really frustrating since I am trying to be good and stay on my meds.