i know i am becoming manic when:
– i only sleep a few hours a night at most
– i can talk my way into getting free desserts at restaurants
– i listen to my “other” playlists
– i don’t want to take my meds
– i can’t sit still for a long time (like thru church or therapy)
– i feel like everyone on the road is in my way and drives so f*ing slow.
– i spend money that I shouldn’t
– i feel the intense urgency to go on a road trip (by myself)
– i get frustrated with people in stores because they walk too slow
– i have a hard time following a conversation because you talk too slow
– i start organizing excessively
– i cook/bake… a lot, and enjoy it (i don’t like to cook)
– i have tons of energy (do yard work 10+hours a day…for days)
– i want to have sex all the time
– i have amazing ideas for my house and start (not finish) multiple projects
– i can’t stand the sound of people chewing, or our dog walking on the tile
– bright lights start to bother me and i can’t stand the feeling of tight clothing on me
– i don’t care about the things that are usually important to me
– i am extremely annoyed at everything and everyone- the slightest tick and i will loose it
And so it begins. If I do nothing all the symptoms escalate from minor annoyances to full blow catastrophes. Sometimes psychosis decides to visit too.
I am starting to be able to recognize when my thinking and feelings begin to change. It gets extremely difficult and stressful to act “normal” and control the thoughts, feelings and impulses that are going on in my head. I think that may be why being home is so stressful sometimes. Acting calm and normal during my sessions with Dr. C is easier because they are only an hour. Being at home, with the family constantly around is full-time, non-stop exhausting.