In the mind of a borderline, there is always something hiding behind every good thing. And no matter what anyone says, how much I want to believe in the good.. despite the overwhelming desire- this is what my mind perceives:
My mind tells me there is a darkness behind every good thing. And though I try to fight it, ignore it and deny it, it is always there. Relationships is one of the biggest struggles I have. Trust and I are not good friends. But lately I have been trying to learn how to be friends with trust.. learn who he really is.
Trust isn’t a guarantee you won’t get hurt.
Trust is a decision you make knowing that there aren’t any guarantees.
Trust is not about finding the perfect, trustworthy person; it’s about signing up to work through hurt when it comes
I have used my past experiences as reasons not to trust again. It is scary, terrifying even, to open yourself up again to the possibility of being hurt. Choosing to let yourself be vulnerable after deep pain can feel impossible. But what I am discovering is that by keeping up my wall, it may keep me safe, but it also keeps me alone, and keeps me from discovering amazing new things.
Choosing to trust someone means believing in their integrity. That ultimately that their intentions are good, even when they make mistakes.
I am learning that trust isn’t about never feeling another negative emotion again; it’s about learning that I can handle anything that comes my way.
This is what I believe trust is.