alice

If love is a puzzle for ordinary people.

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For me, and I imagine others like me with bipolar or borderline, love is an insane jigsaw puzzle…With extra pieces thrown in just to make it that much more difficult.

puzzle2Love is stressful. The moment I do something wrong, or make the other person mad or frustrated with me, I expect them to leave. Or if you do or say anything and I perceive even the slightest hint of disinterest I think that you don’t care.. If you have a bad day.. I instantly believe it is because of me, I take it personally… If I you don’t get excited about something i thought would make you happy.. then my mind tells me you don’t love me…

See the pattern??

Because I am so scared of that happening I am always ready with one foot out the door… I will leave you first. I will push you out of my life before I will let you leave me.

This all brings me back to trust. It is really almost impossible for me to fully, completely trust in love. Love has never felt like a constant thing in my world. So even now, years later, in the back of my mind I am waiting. Waiting for love to leave.

Sometimes I feel like the only safe thing in this world to love, is her…

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Everyone, meet Alice.  She eats my roses and the broccoli out of my garden, but her love is simple…lol… feed her and love her and she will always love me back 🙂 If only all love was that simple.

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