Do you ever just have one of those days when everything just looks blah…? Even the weather is cooperating with my mood. It’s cloudy and rainy, a bit chilly and damp. I normally love it when it rains… I don’t know what is up with me today. Maybe the weather today is accentuating my mood.. I don’t know if this is my moods changing, depression coming, this new med (lithium) or just life. I have a lot on my mind I guess… I feel like outwardly I am going in slow motion, but inside my brain is running a marathon. Can a racing mind physically exhaust your body? I wonder…
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I spent the whole afternoon yesterday at the hospital getting blood tests and an ekg done and now this morning I had my appt with Dr. C and then my med doc… I’m not trying to complain.. I know some of you guys have a lot more going on than me… But I kind of have a “fuck it all” attitude today.
Maybe it is because I feel like I have lived in my car all week. Running my lovely cherished children everywhere, helping sister, friend; having lunch with someone who i’d rather not see, but who I have to smile and play nice with due to circumstances of my life… (that in itself is draining)
Life seems uncertain and fragile right now. I would give anything to know the future, see where the road I am on leads to.
I just need a break. I want to sit at the ocean right now, just listening to the rhythm of the waves, feeling the salty mist on my skin, and the cool soft sand under my feet. It’s easy to clear my mind there. I have so much weighing it down right now.
I feel restless. Unsettled.