The funny thing about this life is you never know when a single moment will change your life. In the blink of an eye, something happens, when you least expect it, sets you on a course that you never planned, into a future you never imagined. That is the journey of our lives. Living and experiencing the good blinks and the hard blinks… at least that is how it was for me.

My life thus far has been filled with moments of overwhelming joy, such as the birth of each of my children. Time spans of difficult heart-wrenching struggles in my youth. Followed by untold ups and downs suffered at the hands of mental illness in my adulthood. 1503a55feb027c8e897a8788860a8055.jpgA single moment as a child seemed to set my life on a path that no child ever imagines. And throughout the years, that moment… those moments changed me. For better, and for worse. It has been decades now, but I can relive them as if they were yesterday if I will let myself. Jailed up inside my head, they were like a toxin inside me, slowly killing me. I can see that now. But I never believed I had the strength to do what it would take to overcome those lost moments of my childhood, even though I was promised that someday I would.

That someday came just recently. And since it has, I have been been thrown into the gauntlet of emotions. For the first time in my life actually feeling the emotions of my youth, as a grown adult. Needless to say, it has been a mentally exhausting time. I am surprised at the range of emotions I have felt, and the intensity of them. I know you don’t know me all that well… although you do know some pretty personal things about me… but I am a very soft felt person. Never have I felt such extreme emotions that I did not know how to contain them. I have now… but thanks to those who I love and trust, I have been able to steer myself through these things and made it through to the other side. I am not were I will be when I am finished, but I believe I have made it through the darkest of the dark and now beginning to see the end in sight.

This probably will not make sense you most of you.. but one day I will say the name.

Have you seen the movie Collateral Beauty?… more specifically one of the last scenes of the movie when he says her name.. I understand the depth of pain felt, and the strength and courage it took, to say her name.

The funny thing about this life is you never know when a single moment will change your life. In the blink of an eye, something happens, when you least expect it, sets you on a course that you never planned, into a future you never imagined. Just as this is true for the hard blinks in life, this is also true for the good blinks in life. Never give in and never give up. Because you never know when something you do, one decision you make, one conversation, one moment, can bring the good into your life that you have always hoped for.

4 thoughts on “blink…

  1. It makes much sense, It is called the ‘dark night of the soul’ lizzy…and in it is something wondrous, something very beautiful, and something that we have reached for, for a long time. But to get there we need to test ourselves, go through some of the most horrendous things…because that is where it is. We cannot understand it unless we do touch those things…but when we do, that light of understanding suddenly gets turned on. It may only be at a low wattage to start with, but even by that light we begin to see.
    I’m glad to hear you have ‘touched’ what needed to be seen lizzy…an acceptance of you, a let go of what no longer has any meaning…and most of all, an understanding because of it…a knowing that you are ok…exactly as you are. An acceptance where before was fear, a compassion where before was a wall…and a love, a self love where before was rejection. You have removed the duality, and become one.
    Much love to you kind lady, that beauty within will shine as it should now, with much love and courage…you deserve it. Just be gentle with yourself, it takes a bit of time to adjust to the ‘new you’. You’ve ‘been’ someone else for a very long time. Just breath, and know it will now be all ok. Things will still happen, but they will no longer control you as they did…you are free <3

  2. You make a good point that there are hard “blinks” but there are also good ones. I don’t think I’ve spent enough time feeling thankful for the good ones. Thanks for the reminder.

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