The funny thing about this life is you never know when a single moment will change your life. In the blink of an eye, something happens, when you least expect it, sets you on a course that you never planned, into a future you never imagined. That is the journey of our lives. Living and experiencing the good blinks and the hard blinks… at least that is how it was for me.
My life thus far has been filled with moments of overwhelming joy, such as the birth of each of my children. Time spans of difficult heart-wrenching struggles in my youth. Followed by untold ups and downs suffered at the hands of mental illness in my adulthood. A single moment as a child seemed to set my life on a path that no child ever imagines. And throughout the years, that moment… those moments changed me. For better, and for worse. It has been decades now, but I can relive them as if they were yesterday if I will let myself. Jailed up inside my head, they were like a toxin inside me, slowly killing me. I can see that now. But I never believed I had the strength to do what it would take to overcome those lost moments of my childhood, even though I was promised that someday I would.
That someday came just recently. And since it has, I have been been thrown into the gauntlet of emotions. For the first time in my life actually feeling the emotions of my youth, as a grown adult. Needless to say, it has been a mentally exhausting time. I am surprised at the range of emotions I have felt, and the intensity of them. I know you don’t know me all that well… although you do know some pretty personal things about me… but I am a very soft felt person. Never have I felt such extreme emotions that I did not know how to contain them. I have now… but thanks to those who I love and trust, I have been able to steer myself through these things and made it through to the other side. I am not were I will be when I am finished, but I believe I have made it through the darkest of the dark and now beginning to see the end in sight.
This probably will not make sense you most of you.. but one day I will say the name.
Have you seen the movie Collateral Beauty?… more specifically one of the last scenes of the movie when he says her name.. I understand the depth of pain felt, and the strength and courage it took, to say her name.
The funny thing about this life is you never know when a single moment will change your life. In the blink of an eye, something happens, when you least expect it, sets you on a course that you never planned, into a future you never imagined. Just as this is true for the hard blinks in life, this is also true for the good blinks in life. Never give in and never give up. Because you never know when something you do, one decision you make, one conversation, one moment, can bring the good into your life that you have always hoped for.