it is time…

painting girlHello? Anybody still out there?  I know… it has been forever since I have posted anything. I have set a new goal. One post a week.  I can do that. The funny thing is that I love to write. I have actually thought about writing quite a few times these past few weeks, but I have been doing a lot of painting, another favorite past time of mine.  I know I talk about it quite a bit, but it is a passion of mine. I can not imagine how I would get through life without it quite honestly. I can seriously just get lost in it and hours will go by before I realize it. I admit I am too critical of myself, and many paintings are discarded or painted over, but that is just something I need to work on.

As far as writing, I just haven’t had that spark of thought lately that I like to get before I write a post. But I think if I just sit down to write, it will come. That’s my new theory anyways.

Art has in some form been a part of my life since my earliest memories. Sitting at the counter of my grandparents house with a pencil in hand drawing on a pad of paper that had the letterhead of the company my grandpa worked at. In school I took college courses of graphic design my junior and senior year of high school. And I excelled at it. I think I had a style that my teacher, Mr. Wendell, appreciated. So I was very encouraged.

Then once again in college I took more graphic design courses. This is where it became tough. I remember one day in particular we were having a review of our projects and when it came to mine the professor and the professional that was there in class that day, reviewed mine as “average work”. Then following the critic, the professor gave a lecture telling us students that “only one in 8 of you people will continue on and do graphic design in your future professionally. So this means out of this entire class of 40, maybe 6 of you will be graphic designers.. the rest of you better find a new career path.” He was a “I will tell you no shit, and give you no false hope” type professor. Being that my project was just reviewed as average I lost a lot of hope that I would ever do my passion for a career.

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What I have learned in my life. Never give up or let someone tell you, you are not good enough. Fast forward a little over a decade and I owned my own little graphic design company. And did reasonably well for having a busy life and three children to raise… and unknown to me at the time, dealing with BPD and Bipolar. Bipolar raised it’s head and decided to make itself known despite my persistence at denying something was wrong. When it finally roared, I had to say goodbye to my little pride and joy of a company and learn my limits and take years off to take care of myself.

Fast forward to today… literally today. I am sitting at my recently new desk, with my work in progress inspiration board. Hanging up artwork that I love. Typing on my new laptop purchased just last night. I downloaded my favorite graphic design programs this morning, and currently deciding on a new company name. It is time. Time to start again. I have been thinking about starting my company again for quite some time. But only recently, with the support and encouragement of those in my life, has something within me changed. Like someone said to me.. a confidence, and it feels good.

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You can read my last post only a month ago, and see that I am still struggling at times. I am by no means all better. But I am on the road there. And it feels like at the point along that road were I start believing in myself again. That I am in the processes of starting to believe that despite what my past has told me, I am a good person that can do great things. I have my days when that is the hardest thing to believe, but I can tell that those feelings and days are regressing and do not have as much of effect on me as they use to.fall fly

It is time. And I am excited 🙂

 

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…one of my favorite quotes >>>

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